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Pick Up Your Pen – Darby Rae

Pick Up Your Pen

Last week I blogged about a writing assignment the Indy Writer’s Group did.  There were many emails expressing interest in this assignment (as well as my mental health)—so this week—you can participate.  Take the very bla paragraph below (or the original paragraph from my previous blog) and make it come alive!  Remember, your readers should feel your words, not just read them. Use action verbs and words that appeal to the senses…showing rather than telling words. (Maximum 150-200 words.)

There are several genres you can choose from while writing—Humor, Adventure, Mystery, Romance, Thriller, Science Fiction, History…please no Erotica.  = )

Option 1:

Edward had walked by this pond many times.  Today was different.  It was colder than usual and today he wasn’t alone. He watched the birds in the air and listened to the sound of the wind.  He smiled, took her hand, and wondered what she was thinking.

Option 2:

Zack stopped for a moment.  It was a fine day.  The sun was out and there was a nice breeze.  He could smell the odor of bread from the bakery as he crossed the street.  He saw Mandy standing on the corner.  He waved.  He knew it was going to be a good afternoon.

Enjoy!

Comments

  1. As the sun streamed through the cumulous clouds,a faint breeze sang through the willow branches; it was a fine day. Rounding the corner of Robinson Boulevard, Zack hesitated for a moment. He could smell the seductive scent of fresly baked bread from the new french boulangerie. At that most delightful moment , he spotted Mandy standing on the corner. He waved. Apparently, it was going to be a good afternoon.

  2. Cynthia Schaeffer says

    Edward had wandered down the leaf strewn path by Waldon’s pond many times. Today felt odd. Was the difference because today was the damp kind of cold that seeps into your bones or that he wasn’t alone. The birds were circling above in the cloudy sky and the whirl of the wind rang in his ears . He smiled, took her hand, and wondered if she was thinking about last night’s encounter.

  3. I love them…these are great Cindy and Stacey! Keep them coming.

  4. Edward had walked, biked, and jogged along the sun-sparkled pond just on the edge of town hundreds of times. But today it was different as he meticulously chose each stride attempting to make this walk last longer than necessary. Although he had trekked this trail many times, he was keenly aware that he had never really seen this view before and secretly vowed to experience it for the first time. His soul grieved for a moment when he realized all the details he had overlooked on those previous journeys by this water’s edge. The path seemingly unveiled itself as he gazed upon the hickory, maple and birch trees. He even noticed the less obvious pebbles and stones along with the numerous cracks in the well-trodden asphalt. He playfully dodged the uneven pavement that just waited to tumble the unsuspecting traveler. Discouraged, he wondered how had he never noticed the simple beauty that had surrounded him for the past five years. The cool breeze blew and the cattails at the shallow end of the water rustled eerily. He noticed they were yellowing reminding him snow and bitter temperatures would soon change the landscape from the picturesque fall setting it was today into a snowy and gray canvas. He knew all to well that winter would cause the water to disappear underneath layers of ice making the pond undetectable. Suddenly, the crisp fall air gusted and sent a chill down his spine forcing him to gasp for air. He breathed in a smoky scent coming from the fireplace in the quaint cobblestone house across the water jolting his senses reminding him he wasn’t alone. Distracted once again, his eyes squinted and slightly watered as he looked toward the sun to watch the Canadian geese as they flocked southward in their typical v-shape and noisily honked across the blue sky. He chuckled inside as he mentally waved farewell to them. He knew he wouldn’t miss those mischief makers that dirtied the very path he was on with their droppings making it nearly impossible to walk near the water during summer. Another small howl of the wind snapped him back to the present once again. He sheepishly grinned feeling embarrassed for his lack of attention to her and gently reached for her petite hand. He wondered what she was thinking. He wondered whether or not she had witnessed all he had just seen. He wondered how he was going to tell her goodbye.

    Option 2:

    Zack stopped for a moment. It was a fine day. The sun was out and there was a nice breeze. He could smell the odor of bread from the bakery as he crossed the street. He saw Mandy standing on the corner. He waved. He knew it was going to be a good afternoon.

    • Kelli

      Anyone who reads what you wrote will truly be able to experience what ‘Edward’ was feeling and seeing while on his walk. They are likely asking the same question I am—why does he have to say good bye? And who is walking with him? Was her hand petite because she was a little girl or a small woman? Even though you passed the 200 word count—I wanted to know more! Did he want to say good bye or did he have to say good bye.

      Thank you for sharing your talent. I enjoyed taking a walk with Edward.

  5. oops….i missed the 150 – 200 words part! Just like me to not read the instructions! 😉

  6. Edward had walked by this pond many times, but never once considered its significant shimmer of waves cracking against the shoreline. Today was different he thought. He was concerned only about his future. Could God be watching from above with loving smile and open arms? Did he walk with God’s approval he wondered to himself as he caught a glimpse of their joined reflection in the water’s edge? It was colder than usual and today he wasn’t alone. Today he stood with the one he loved with all his being. His heart warmed simply by her presence. Desperation overtook him as he contemplated the many ways he’d graciously offer his own life to save her from the looming demise. But God’s plan was greater than his own. He silently stood with her and watched the birds in the air and listened to the sound of the wind as it whistled through the willow trees like sands blowing across the Northern Indiana Dunes. He smiled, took her hand and wondered what she was thinking. He wished it would last a lifetime, but knew he’d have to settle for mere moments that flashed before his eyes like shooting stars crossing the universe. Angels waited patiently, for God’s time was of the essence….

    • Wingman,

      This one slipped by me! So glad I am avoiding writing my post for this week by re-reading some o my earlier ones!

      Very beautiful writing…everything is indeed on God’s time.

      Darby

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