Step away from the keyboard, Darby, you’re frightening our members…

Saturday was the monthly meeting of the Indianapolis Writer’s Group. (The members vary from writers who have multiple books published to members working to get their first piece of work published…fiction, non-fiction, poetry…).  We had a writing assignment this month. Sandra, our leader, emailed a bland paragraph for everyone to spice up. Her directions were to use, “…showing rather than telling…action verbs rather than too many adjectives or adverbs. Writing to the senses…making the reader feel your words not just see them.”(maximum of 250 words).

Here is the bland paragraph:  Zack stopped for a moment.  It was a fine day.  The sun was out and there was a nice breeze.  He could smell the odor of bread from the bakery as he crossed the street.  He saw Mandy standing on the corner.  He waved.  He knew it was going to be a good afternoon.

Saturday was my second meeting. I may have frightened some of the members with my writing. The others enhanced the paragraph with sweet and loving words….birds singing, love in the air.  Here’s what I did (the words in bold are the original paragraph):

Zack stopped for a moment. He could feel the adrenaline rush race through his system like an electrical current.  The anticipation was almost as exciting to him as the action itself.  His eyes locked in on his target savoring the hours to come…imagining the pitch of her scream…the strength of her struggle.

The sun was out and there was a nice breeze. Zach inhaled deeply.  He could smell the odor of bread from the bakery as he crossed the street. Fresh, he thought.  Again he inhaled like a lion stalking his prey, imagining the sweet smell of fear to come.

Zack had the face of a choirboy, but was evil to his core.  He saw Mandy standing on the corner, beautiful, innocent and unsuspecting. The anticipation was exhilarating and torturous. He nearly vibrated with excitement, but waved casually suppressing his wickedness.  He knew, in the most twisted way, it was going to be a good afternoon.

I think they felt my words…and now I’m wondering if I’m going to be voted off the island.

 

Comments

  1. Love it, Darby! You always had a flair for drama and I always suspected a lurking dark side!! 🙂 I’m interested in this writing workshop. Can you tell me more about it?

  2. Kelli–We haven’t received another writing assignment, but as you can see, I really enjoyed this one. I looked on line for some free creative writing workshops and found this one on-line that looked good. Check it out. http://education-portal.com/articles/10_Universities_Offering_Free_Writing_Courses_Online.html.

    I’ve had many emails with similar interest—so my next blog will be a paragraph we can all have fun spicing up. I’ll post as many responses as I can—but have to remind my readers this site is PG13!

  3. haha just awesome Darby. I would of loved to see the faces of the woman as they read that lol

    Who needs sugar and spice and all things bice anyway.. reach out grab their throat and make them read/listen. You def did that 🙂

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